Control Freak: When ODD, OCD, and Everyday Life Collide

S U P P O R T E D .  T R A I N E D .  R E S P E C T E D .

A philosophy of presence, growth, and dignity.

We don’t like to talk about control much—it’s one of those sneaky human needs that shows up in ways big and small. But if we look closely, many of us wrestle with it every day. For some, it shows up in diagnoses like Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), where control becomes the lens through which life is experienced. For others, it’s subtler like needing the dishwasher stacked just so, or getting prickly when plans change.

So here’s the thought: Is ODD or OCD really just about control? And if so, what does that mean for the rest of us who may not carry a diagnosis, but still crave control in daily life? The truth is, control isn’t bad, it’s often a way our mind tries to protect us. However, when it keeps others from comfortably sharing space with us, that’s when it’s time to pause and reframe.

Why We Crave Control

• Safety: Control creates predictability, which calms our nervous system.

• Identity: The way we “do things” can feel like who we are—mess with it, and it feels personal.

• Anxiety management: When the world feels chaotic, control offers a sense of order.

It makes sense that people with ODD push back against being controlled, while those with OCD might cling tightly to routines. Both are expressions of wanting agency. And honestly, we all want that. Here are a few tips to help you manage and work through those moments.

5 Ways to Manage Control So Others Can Share Your Space

1. Name It to Tame It: When you feel that “urge to control” rising, pause and say (to yourself or out loud): “This is me wanting control.” Naming it takes away some of its power.

2. Pick Your Battles: Not every sock left on the floor needs to be a hill worth dying on. Ask yourself: Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 days? 10 years?

3. Create Safe Zones: Designate spaces or routines where you get full control—and let go in others. Example: your desk can be your sacred zone, but the living room is communal.

4. Practice Flex Muscles: Try small “let-go challenges.” Order something random from the menu. Let someone else load the dishwasher. It’s exposure therapy, but with everyday life.

5. Communicate, Don’t Dictate: Share your needs without making them rules. Instead of “You have to do it this way,” try “It helps me feel calmer when…”—that invites cooperation rather than resistance.

Whether you’ve got a diagnosis like ODD or OCD or you just recognize your inner “control enthusiast”, it’s okay to need order. It’s human. But balance comes when we allow space for both our comfort and other people’s freedom. Control doesn’t have to be a wall; it can be a bridge if we use it with awareness and compassion.

“You don’t have to carry the world in your hands—sometimes the greatest strength is found in letting go and trusting that life will still hold you.” —Mrs. Futch, ELFPDR